Alternatives

So we´re in Las Palmas. Grand Canary Islands. For most people that reads tat. Tacky. Cheap. Nasty.
We´re seeing it in a different light. My old housemate Carmen now lives here. THis is her home. So it´s different to see it from a someone´s-home perspective.

And she has made us feel so at home. She took a couple of days off work, baked me my favourite cake. Bought me my favourite cheese. Made us a special bed in her beautiful new flat. Has gone to great lengths to make us feel like this is home.

Home. That word still scared me and warms me at the same time. I am still not sure what home is. We´ve bought a house. We have planted roots and is London home yet? I am still undecided.

Carmen´s life here compared to her life in London is a 360 degree turn. Her parents live down the road. She now works half day and the other half she helps out her dad at his architecture firm (she too is a trained archi). And then she comes home early to prepare the meal for Pablo -her adoring husband...and life ticks on. Slowly, comfortable, agreably. Hassle free. Another world.

It´s an option. If I think of a possible life in Cape TOwn we could have the same. Slow pace, good weather. An agreable life.
Not sure if I can give up the chaos that is now such an intrinsic part of my make up.
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Is home in your head, or is it created by your environment?
Does it come in time when things fall into place or do you have to work at it?
I want "home". Not sure if I want it now? But having spent time here at "home" it´s pretty attractive....

let´s see....

Deceit

SOmeone once told me that there are 3 sides to every story. There's the side of both parties and then there is the truth. A little corney, I know, but definately something to think about.

But who decides the truth?

So it turns out that this guy I know - who is married and has a kid of 9 months is having an affair, with this girl I know. THe thing is I would never expect that of either of them. I can't judge the situation because I don't know the ins and outs but I do know that knowledge of this made me want to throw up. I felt sick. It was bad news. I know it was bad news because I have never felt sick on hearing about someone elses dealings. I try not to know/get involved because it is none of my business. But, my god. I feel sad. I feel confused and upset and it's not even me who is involved?

What makes one person in a relationship decide to sour it with that type of decision? IS marriage not meant to be a promise? And by promise I mean a deal that both people will FIGHT till the end. UNTIL THE END. FIGHT. TRY HARDER. Especially with a kid involved? I totally get that relationships do break down. THings don't stay the same, people change, people move on, stuff gets DULL....But surely it's WORTH it to stick it out TO THE END, having given it everything not given up AND THEN move onto someone else without creating a love triangle of confusion.

I cannot pin down why this has upset me so.
It could be because I feel I am no longer a good judge of character? I am dissapointed? I feel let down by human nature and how we can't fight for what we onced believed in?

I don't know either side of the story.
I don't even know the truth anymore. Who decides on what the truth is anyway?
I cannot judge.
I just know that I feel sad.

Brixtonia

Managed to explore a bit of Brixton with J on Friday night. And wow, what a night. We went to this bar called Hive - it's great. Small. Play good music and just fun....And then we ended up at the Dogstar. A little rougher around the edges but very cool.
There were these two Brazillian guys doing caipoera (sp?!) which is pretty amazing to watch. They are so fast on their feet and so precise. It really is a skilled art!

So feeling pleased that there is actually stuff stuff happening in my hood past 6pm. Except that as I started on my second whiskey at the Dogstar, I realised this was the FIRST "club" I have been in this entire year...well kind of ....but it really has been that long.