Don't be scared

Promise me you will let go today.
You are strong and brave but today you need not be.

You can achieve so much
but so little at the same time.
Today you need to let go.

I am back

Someone said to be at lunch today that the blogs you really want to read are those that are not regularly updated.

Good thing I've not written for over a year.

That said. I am back.

Moving from London to Hong Kong is enough reason to reinvigorate my urge to write.

Here goes...

Twas the day after Christmas

And what a lovely Christmas it was. My first Christmas in the UK (last year doesn't count because i spent the whole day throwing up from food poisoning). My first "real" English Christmas lunch with all the trimmings and everything...spent with an English (well kind of - mixed with ZImbabwean/South African)family! It was great.
The preparation was heavy but easy as no one was hassling, everyone got on so well, and we had a beautiful toddler who kept us all entertained. It was so good....

Woke up this mornign feeling warm.
After 12 hours sleep I needed to move. Blessed with a beautiful winter's day I went for a good 45 minute run around our park. THe park was buzzing this morning - lots of kids trying out their new wares. Very cool.

This time last year I had landed in Mumbai, after a biz class upgrade (thank god as I was so ill) and was about to begin my 4 month travellingalong. Wow. The year has sped by.

I realise I am beginning to "reflect" and it's not even NY eve.

WIll save the rest for then.

Just overall happiness and lurve
x

Ich bin in der Mitte

Grusse
I am in berlin. Not pleasure, work.
First time back to Berlin in about 2 years.
And it's still so fantastically familiar.

I've had 3 hours out and about. Not a helluva lotta time, but enough for me to rember the things that I so love and miss about this city
- Christmas really is Christmas here. That smell of gluwein and bratwurst, the special herby cookies that melt in your mouth, unforgiving stollen, the weinachtsmarkt, weintraube im schokolade, the lights, the decor in each store so carefully put together and so tasteful
- the architecture - new and old - such incredible contrasts...
- the chicky micky mercedes cabs
- the crisp blue sky and the icy cold air
- it's a smell
- the way people look so smart for work...or so untidy
- the trendy young berliners with their chic-preppy look

Ich liebe dich Berlin.

I am staying at the Hilton which is not the greatest. Think "big means best" and old style 80's decor - eugh. THe breakfast room this morning REEEEEAKED of bacon so much so that I can still smell it on me and breakfast was er, 9 hours ago!
But the good news is that the hotel is across the road from the facility...
AND EVEN BETTER...it's right opposite the most magnificent building and square Gendarmemarkt (Sp?!)

Ah yes. Ich liebe dich.

now back to work...

Alternatives

So we´re in Las Palmas. Grand Canary Islands. For most people that reads tat. Tacky. Cheap. Nasty.
We´re seeing it in a different light. My old housemate Carmen now lives here. THis is her home. So it´s different to see it from a someone´s-home perspective.

And she has made us feel so at home. She took a couple of days off work, baked me my favourite cake. Bought me my favourite cheese. Made us a special bed in her beautiful new flat. Has gone to great lengths to make us feel like this is home.

Home. That word still scared me and warms me at the same time. I am still not sure what home is. We´ve bought a house. We have planted roots and is London home yet? I am still undecided.

Carmen´s life here compared to her life in London is a 360 degree turn. Her parents live down the road. She now works half day and the other half she helps out her dad at his architecture firm (she too is a trained archi). And then she comes home early to prepare the meal for Pablo -her adoring husband...and life ticks on. Slowly, comfortable, agreably. Hassle free. Another world.

It´s an option. If I think of a possible life in Cape TOwn we could have the same. Slow pace, good weather. An agreable life.
Not sure if I can give up the chaos that is now such an intrinsic part of my make up.
´
Is home in your head, or is it created by your environment?
Does it come in time when things fall into place or do you have to work at it?
I want "home". Not sure if I want it now? But having spent time here at "home" it´s pretty attractive....

let´s see....

Deceit

SOmeone once told me that there are 3 sides to every story. There's the side of both parties and then there is the truth. A little corney, I know, but definately something to think about.

But who decides the truth?

So it turns out that this guy I know - who is married and has a kid of 9 months is having an affair, with this girl I know. THe thing is I would never expect that of either of them. I can't judge the situation because I don't know the ins and outs but I do know that knowledge of this made me want to throw up. I felt sick. It was bad news. I know it was bad news because I have never felt sick on hearing about someone elses dealings. I try not to know/get involved because it is none of my business. But, my god. I feel sad. I feel confused and upset and it's not even me who is involved?

What makes one person in a relationship decide to sour it with that type of decision? IS marriage not meant to be a promise? And by promise I mean a deal that both people will FIGHT till the end. UNTIL THE END. FIGHT. TRY HARDER. Especially with a kid involved? I totally get that relationships do break down. THings don't stay the same, people change, people move on, stuff gets DULL....But surely it's WORTH it to stick it out TO THE END, having given it everything not given up AND THEN move onto someone else without creating a love triangle of confusion.

I cannot pin down why this has upset me so.
It could be because I feel I am no longer a good judge of character? I am dissapointed? I feel let down by human nature and how we can't fight for what we onced believed in?

I don't know either side of the story.
I don't even know the truth anymore. Who decides on what the truth is anyway?
I cannot judge.
I just know that I feel sad.

Brixtonia

Managed to explore a bit of Brixton with J on Friday night. And wow, what a night. We went to this bar called Hive - it's great. Small. Play good music and just fun....And then we ended up at the Dogstar. A little rougher around the edges but very cool.
There were these two Brazillian guys doing caipoera (sp?!) which is pretty amazing to watch. They are so fast on their feet and so precise. It really is a skilled art!

So feeling pleased that there is actually stuff stuff happening in my hood past 6pm. Except that as I started on my second whiskey at the Dogstar, I realised this was the FIRST "club" I have been in this entire year...well kind of ....but it really has been that long.